James Square

If you go down to James Square on the first Wednesday of July, you will find the annual James party.

All of the James's meet up in the square at 6:15 (In the pm, we're not milkmen), We collect into blunders of Jamii (the collective noun and plural for James in the wild) and generally James about in the street

A bonfire is built upon which an effigy of James Caan is set alight.
 
James Bond films are projected onto a large screen at the end of the street for any of the Jamii that may be interested and James Brown CD's are played through loudspeakers.

We try not to be an insular group, we have always welcomed anyone who goes by Jim or Jimmy and in the late nineties an agreement was made to allow all of the Jamies in too.

We are looking to expand our membership further and some of the more liberal of us have been campaigning hard to extend it to similar girls names such as Jane, but unfortunately there are still a lot of the "old boys" - the retired butlers and such, some of whom still won't speak to the Jamies and are completely against any kind of change.

We have also tried to allow for foreign variations to be allowed in, the Jakup's, the Jacum's, the Jaime's and the Xaime's, but we still have a problem with some of the racist Jamii claiming the square is full.

I am unsure how we all manage to fit in, all the millions of Jamii and we manage to fit into a relatively small residential street, but the racists are wrong, there is plenty of room in James square on the 1st Wednesday of every July and if you are called James, or something like James, or even if you just know a James, you should come too.

The 7 Worst Things to do with a 2B Pencil

The title here is self-explanatory so I won't go on a long, rambling introductory paragraph, suffice to say, this is just my personal opinion and I appreciate that everyone else will have their own take on the top 7 (or bottom 7) worst things to do with a 2B pencil.

1. Throw it at someone who has done nothing wrong
I would never be so ridiculous as to suggest that you should never throw a 2B pencil at anyone- if you see Dapper Laughs or Boris Johnson for example, you should definitely throw a pencil at them- but throwing it at some woman buying grapes at the supermarket checkout or an elderly man waiting for the bus is really out of order. Don't do that, OK?

2. Sharpen it right down the eraser upon first buying it
That it quite wasteful

3. Use it to perform a tracheotomy on a person who does not need a tracheotomy

You should only ever perform a tracheotomy on a person who needs a tracheotomy, and really a 2B pencil is probably not suitable if they do need one (I wouldn't know, my knowledge of tracheotomy techniques is very limited. For all I know, you really should perform a tracheotomy on someone who doesn't need one using a 2B pencil. Please continue to do so if that is the case)

4. Use it to stir some cake mixture because you can't be bothered to go over to the cutlery drawer

Are you trying to give everyone who eats your cake lead poisoning?!

5. Carve a lewd message into the side using a compass
This might sound like fun but it actually isn't and could upset anyone who reads the message, and it may mean that the compass isn't available to somebody who needs it

6. Put it up the nostril of a wax work Jesus
This would be mean and disrespectful. However funny it may seem, it is not very nice to  put a 2B pencil up a wax Jesus' nostril.

7. Use it to write a rubbish blog post
The final entry in our list of worst things to do with a 2B pencil is to write a rubbish blog post. Luckily, despite this being my only blog, I have managed never to fall foul of this one, mostly because by its very nature, a blog post will not really be written down using a writing implement, that would just be a diary post or piece of writing. Oh well. Bye